So near to felicity

I cannot know what felicity is, I wonder if I should feel content now. I thought I can settle down at least for now, but everything seems not that right, but I cant fully express it, however I can feel that sometimes I m so near to felicity but majority times it is not the case at all, I found I have no ability to grab it, who can tell me what is true, I have no idea how I distinguish truth among all things under my nose covered by transparent gloss. I don’t want to show the weak side of me in public to people and I am highly sure that it’ right. I know I am not the who is nervous and lack of self-confidence, but why I am so scared to show my true feeling in my heart, probably I am over afraid be like an idiot. I always want to have such an emotion that could make me completely involved in and spend my true feeling and emotion in, but I failed. What I like it’s that another half can let me entire believe, I don’t mean that I want to control him and don’t leave him space, either I m not a girl who will always jealous though it is just a trivial thing. Damn it I don’t like to be so pessimistic. Why I should care these all! Hey, At least pretend you don’t care it so much! You won’t be like a fool! I expect that no one can make me sad!

When u want to pour your true emotion in it, but after you feel the unstable feeling through so many signs and the way he treats you, how can I pretend nothing have happened? That must be ridiculous that lot of people around you think that you are covered by such felicity, but if you asked me about that, I would just smiled at you awkwardly, cause I really didn’t sure about it.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

 

We are so near, we only have a distance of an opaque glass. That is the very gap we have, which,makes me couldn’t read you, your thoughts, your views about me.

 

Solo I can’t play it for long. When you speak, yell towards mountains, still have echo can be back.

I can’t always be active. I can’t keep for long. Your unconcerned eyes, your hardhearted words,

Your loose holding-hands never get affirmation from you all of these driven me far away, my hope, and let me down.

有人跟我说做过的事情就不要后悔，但我还是经不住会去后悔。后悔为什么不多给自己一点时间，去勇敢面对？为什么不去主动一点抓住想要的幸福？我就是这么矛盾，这既是我。

一个人的时候，真的想哭，我真的不想这么脆弱，但是我也不想把自己圈起来，变成一个对感情，对周围的事情毫无感觉的动物！所以我要释放！！！

在ktv里放声唱出自己的感情，感觉有的时候真的在短暂的时间里把什么都放下了，但有的时候又觉得眼睛里充斥着一种叫做眼泪的东西。

想要一种叫做稳定的感觉，想要被别人宠着的感觉。是不是对我来说太奢侈了呢？？我不敢说我能得到，至少是现在。

人就怕回忆，也怕畅想，会把幸福的感觉无限的扩大。当你失去的时候，你会觉得你失去的不只是眼前的这一点点东西，而是所有的包括你想的一切。

在关键的时刻有朋友在身边真的真的很好，让你感觉你不是一个人面对。

我也许真的应该学着去抓住！！！